Wednesday, March 28, 2012


After 13 months, Eden now says, “Mama”!!! so beautiful to my ears!!

I can’t even express how sweet it is when she walks (tumbles) towards me with her hands up and lays her head on my knees and says (in the sweetest voice you can ever imagine) “mama”! I have been waiting for this day forever!

Chris has been able to experience this pleasure for the bulk of the last 10 months. It was the same with Noah.

Despite the fact that I felt, as the one who carried them for 9 months, fed them for the first year, and spent every waking and sleeping moment with them, I was entitled to be the first word. not so..

I must admit, I had been quite envious of Chris’s place in our children’s vocabulary.

Until this one day. :) I thought I'd share the story...

Eden’s first sign (an open hand to the forehead) at around 4-5 months was “Dada”! her first word (despite my constant teaching of how to say and sign mama) was “Dada.”

When she hears his voice on the phone, sees a picture of him, watches him walk through the door, falls down, gets hurt, and many times just spontaneously as she looks around the room she would pop her hand to her forehead and squeal, “Dada”!

It was one of these days a couple of months ago when I was buckling Eden in her car seat, (after what I felt like had been a day where I kind of deserved to hear some kind of thanks or at minimum, my name), she gazed up, signed, and shouted, “Dada”

I immediately said, “Precious sweetheart, Dada is at work. Can you say “Mama”?

She immediately answered with a smile, “Dada!”

As I was getting in the front seat, Noah said, “Mama, do you think Eden says Dada all the time because she can see the face of her real Dada in heaven?”

See that you do not look down on these little ones, for their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven! Matthew 18:10

Maybe every time she sees Chris and hears his voice she is reminded of the voice of the One who spoke her in to existence. Maybe the light of the sun reminds her of the light of the face of her Father who watched her and cared for her in my tummy.

Maybe his hands remind her of the hands of the One who knit her together and holds her even now.

Maybe all of these everyday wonders should remind me of the same and force me to sing out moment by moment for my real “Dada” like Eden does. J

Maybe every time I feel love it should remind me of the real perfect love of my real perfect Dada.

And every time I feel pain I should be reminded that Jesus took the worst pain, the punishment due our sins on the cross when God the Father turned His face away from His little boy, so He would never have to turn His face away from me.

Maybe no matter how big I get or how independent I feel, my heart was hard wired for “Dada,” to always run to God with my arms up, in complete realization of my total dependence, not needing anything else.

And as I cry to HIM, no matter what my day looks like, my joy and peace, my beauty and my praise will be firmed and secured in the arms of the One who is always present and will never ever be shaken- “Dada.”

Maybe these are the words for which we were made.

For by the Spirit we cry out, “Abba, Daddy, Father.” Romans 8:15

Friday, January 20, 2012

You're my boy!

Noah loves a routine. He thrives in consistency and feels safe in our little rituals we have at home. One of our many rituals is our bedtime routine.

Each evening after dinner Chris brushes “the sugarbugs” off of Noah’s teeth and then wrestles with him on the bed. After we sing, we tuck Noah in and pray for him. But before Chris leaves his room each night, he wraps him in his arms and says, “You’re my boy, and I love you so much. ” only after hearing those words can Noah sleep.

No matter what kind of day we have had at home, Noah must know before he can rest that despite all the good and all the bad we love him just because he is our son and that will never change.

Sound familiar? I know its not just Noah who needs to be assured of the unchanging status and love of his father.

I know my heart cries for the same thing, and I am insecure and searching until I can hear it from the only One who matters, “You’re my daughter. I’m pleased with you. I love you.”

Our hearts were made to hear from the most important One in our universe the very words that brought the world into existence, “you are very good!”

but since the fall we are constantly unsure and wondering, looking everywhere but to the Father to hear those words. So God sent Jesus to prove to our hearts the security of our status, the depth of His love.

Now we are covered in the only One who deserves to hear those words, the Word made flesh and dwelt among us!

Yay! my status is secure! my standing is confirmed! under the blood of the Lamb of God ! my sin has been taken away my guilt atoned for! I'm a child and I am loved!

because of Jesus over me no matter what kind of day I have had, I can always hear the words I was made to hear, “You’re my Son whom I love, with you I am well pleased!”

now I can rest.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I love you my precious.

“I love you, sweetheart, so very much.” I say this a lot, but it still hasn’t’ sunk in.

Granted I am inconsistent and I don’t show them as well as I’d like. But they have no idea and could never understand how much I love them.

I spend my whole day strategically planning our schedule and activities in order (to the best of my abilities) help them to learn and grow. I love LOVE surprising them with treats or things I think they would enjoy! I think I enjoy giving to them more than they enjoy receiving.

I dread the times when I have to deny their requests or remove something that might seem enjoyable but could prove fatal. It really does hurt me more than it hurts them. They don't understand everything I do really is for their good.

Despite all of this, there is an underlying innate distrust that doubts that we are really going to provide for them.

It’s as if because mom won’t let us play in the street and eat m&ms 3 meals a day, she can’t be trusted. Even with Eden, “if mom won’t let me play with the electrical cord, she must not be good."

In the moment that Noah turns away from me, he is saying, “Because you are not giving me what I want, you must not love me. You must not care. If I want something good I’m going to have to get it myself.”

Crazy isn’t it? Or, maybe not?

But Noah has very imperfect parents. He sees their inconsistencies. They don’t love him perfectly. Point valid.

But I know a Father who is perfect, who does love His children perfectly who gives them every good and perfect gift (James 1:16)

who strategically plans and filters every moment of His children’s day to grow them into the little ones they were made to be (genesis 50:20)

who has lavished upon them more love and joy than could even be expressed (1 peter 1:8)

And who has proven the depth of His love by sending Jesus to die an awful death in our place (Romans 5:8).

And I know a daughter who is still anxious. When she worries it reveals a heart of underlying distrust that doubts that God really will provide, that He really can be trusted, That He loves me perfectly and infinitely! And that He is going to take care of me, in ways I wouldn’t have ever been able to anticipate

Hmmm. So maybe I’m not teaching my kids after all. they are teaching me.

Apart from You there is no good thing. Psalm 16:2

“What must we do to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered, “This is the work of God, that you believe.” John 6:28

Believe that I love you sweetheart, and I have conquered the only thing that could ever conquer you and have secured and displayed my love for you on the cross forever.

He who did not spare His own Son, but freely gave Him up for us all. How shall He not with Him graciously give us all things. Romans 8:32

Monday, August 15, 2011

we "built" a door

We decided to put up a glass door today. mainly because I could watch the sunshine around the door, the air conditioner go out and the bugs come in.

Chris told Noah that he could help, and Noah was stoked! J

“Noah’s going to build a big door, Noah’s going to help lift this heavy door and Noah’s going to help dad build with his hammer and Noah’s going to bang real hard and climb this ladder and the door is going to be SO BIG and Noah is going to use the toolbox and look out and see the tomatoes and the birds.”

Noah assisted in removing the screws from the packaging and placing them strategically in the grass, climbing up and down the ladder in between dad’s legs, dragging around the toolbox and walking across the glass door, banging the hammer. All the while saying “Noah is a very good helper to dad” J Nothing was safe in the hands of our little helper. The one hour project turned into a six hour project, but Noah got to hang out with dad.

What a pretty picture of my Christian life. Me, running around pretending to be very busy doing very ‘important’ things. Getting upset when the hammer or drill gun get taken away from me, because I really think I need these things to “help” God, not understanding that God is actually protecting me from myself (and a lot of other people) and that my purpose is not to “help” God (He can build the door all by Himself, a lot more quickly and more efficiently without me) No my purpose is not to help but to hang: to hang out with Him, to watch Him work, to enjoy what He enjoys, to see Him, to know Him, to become like Him.

Noah has no real grasp of what daddy is doing, he has no visual of what the finished product will be, but I have a glimpse. God is building something magnificent, so much more than a bug stopper, something eternal! of more weight and glory than we could ever imagine!

So when I get frustrated that God is taking away my toys, or that I have failed from being the best little "helper," I don't have to worry... God doesn't need me to put up the door; He never has.
because it's not about the door. it's about Dad J

Whatever was to my gain, I count as loss for the sake of Christ! I count everything a loss compared to the surpassing glory of knowing Christ! I consider everything else rubbish that I may gain Christ! and be found in Him! Phil 3:7,8

and this is eternal life: that you may know God! John 17:3

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

summer loves... :)

playing in the grass :)

swimming with dad :)


fishing on the trail...

playing at the beach

surfing with dad !


church picnics !

watermelon and hamburgers (a little blurry, but you get the picture) :)

pool parties! with chocolate cake :)

sundresses !

swings !

live flounder :)

tanning :)

getting ready for football season!

singing and celebrating our wonderful Daddy :)

I am He who has carried you from the womb, before you were born, even to your old age, I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear you. I will carry, and I will save. I have engraved you on the palm of my hand. You are mine. Isaiah 46:3