Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I love you my precious.

“I love you, sweetheart, so very much.” I say this a lot, but it still hasn’t’ sunk in.

Granted I am inconsistent and I don’t show them as well as I’d like. But they have no idea and could never understand how much I love them.

I spend my whole day strategically planning our schedule and activities in order (to the best of my abilities) help them to learn and grow. I love LOVE surprising them with treats or things I think they would enjoy! I think I enjoy giving to them more than they enjoy receiving.

I dread the times when I have to deny their requests or remove something that might seem enjoyable but could prove fatal. It really does hurt me more than it hurts them. They don't understand everything I do really is for their good.

Despite all of this, there is an underlying innate distrust that doubts that we are really going to provide for them.

It’s as if because mom won’t let us play in the street and eat m&ms 3 meals a day, she can’t be trusted. Even with Eden, “if mom won’t let me play with the electrical cord, she must not be good."

In the moment that Noah turns away from me, he is saying, “Because you are not giving me what I want, you must not love me. You must not care. If I want something good I’m going to have to get it myself.”

Crazy isn’t it? Or, maybe not?

But Noah has very imperfect parents. He sees their inconsistencies. They don’t love him perfectly. Point valid.

But I know a Father who is perfect, who does love His children perfectly who gives them every good and perfect gift (James 1:16)

who strategically plans and filters every moment of His children’s day to grow them into the little ones they were made to be (genesis 50:20)

who has lavished upon them more love and joy than could even be expressed (1 peter 1:8)

And who has proven the depth of His love by sending Jesus to die an awful death in our place (Romans 5:8).

And I know a daughter who is still anxious. When she worries it reveals a heart of underlying distrust that doubts that God really will provide, that He really can be trusted, That He loves me perfectly and infinitely! And that He is going to take care of me, in ways I wouldn’t have ever been able to anticipate

Hmmm. So maybe I’m not teaching my kids after all. they are teaching me.

Apart from You there is no good thing. Psalm 16:2

“What must we do to be doing the works of God?” Jesus answered, “This is the work of God, that you believe.” John 6:28

Believe that I love you sweetheart, and I have conquered the only thing that could ever conquer you and have secured and displayed my love for you on the cross forever.

He who did not spare His own Son, but freely gave Him up for us all. How shall He not with Him graciously give us all things. Romans 8:32